“Some Funny Thing”, with Elijah Cross: “Special Meat Inquiry”

Carrots 750

If you know vegans or vegetarians, you’ve certainly heard plenty of facts meant to convince you to join their ranks. Anyone on a particular diet will make a case for their way of eating, but you need to be amazingly persuasive if you’re a cannibal. “Hey, man, the human body is ninety percent water – when you drink water, you’re pretty much doing what I’m doing.”

"just get a meat substitute, bro."

“just get a meat substitute, bro.”

While thinking about cannibalism, I wondered what a person might eat to work their way up (or down, depending on how you look at it) to such a practice. I hit upon the answer, which is revealed below, in an email I sent to Fossil Farms, seller of various exotic meats. As Andrew Mitchell, I wrote (click to enlarge):

Fossil1

I thought I might not receive a reply to something so ridiculous. This was in my inbox the next morning:

Fossil2

Without centaur meat, I would have to have a plan B, so I wrote:

Fossil3

I haven’t received a reply, but when I do, you will be among the first to know which animal’s meat is the gateway to anthropophagy. More from Andrew Mitchell is on the way in future installments of “Some Funny Thing”, so stay tuned!

Perfect transition food. And if you like duck but are on the fence about beaver, try platypus.

Perfect transition food. And if you like duck, but are on the fence about beaver, try platypus.

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This article written by funny man, Elijah Cross (like him on Facebook). Like Nerdy Minds on Facebook & follow NerdyMindsMag on Twitter, or subscribe (scroll to the bottom of this page) to make sure you never miss another post!

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